Everyone needs a coach. Even the most elite athletes competing in the Olympics all have coaches, but why?

There are just some things we can’t see ourselves.

If you recall, there was a female swimmer Katinka Hosszu (Hungary) in the 2016 Olympics (Rio) that had her husband as a coach. She won a few golds and broke a world record. A completely amazing/inspiring accomplishment to be sure. This worked for this couple… but maybe not for everyone.

I will never forget a moment that occurred early in my dating relationship with Alyssa. We happened to be going for a run around Lee University’s campus early one evening. I had run track in high school for four years and as I watched Alyssa run, I thought I had some helpful advice to offer, such as: “Try to keep your elbows in to your sides to keep your torso from using unnecessary energy” or “You are hitting your heels too hard on the pavement.” But after two or three of these constructive criticisms, I was answered with a biting “I don’t want you to be my coach, I want you to be my friend!”


I didn’t expect that. Now I have come to expect it.

This sparse contention has continued with the progression of parenting. I come home from a long day of work and spend time with our little boy, only after a few minutes making some subtle (or not-so-subtle) comment on how I think Alyssa might be able to better mother/discipline our child. Ouch! Could I be so insensitive? or presumptuous?

Yes. I could. I would. and I doud. (did)

I am a wife coach. But, I would be much better off most times by being a teammate. I see room for improvement and I want to move in. After all, if I can’t make personal change, then I am going to try to personally change someone else. Matthew 7:1-5 talks about our inability to see shortcomings of others because our own impairments. Jesus said “Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” This judgment is the fuel that fires so much of worthless gossip and blame blubbering. So, instead of being a professional “speck-spotter” I should become a “log-remover.”

Maybe that is why women find men attractive as a lumber-jack!

So let’s split those logs and judge less.

[Footnote from Alyssa:]

Unfortunately, we women need wife coaches sometimes. We need our husbands to be honest with us. Lumber jacks are cute and all, but don’t think that I don’t appreciate the countless splinters Joel has helped me remove. We can be fragile sometimes. But we can also be pompous and think that we should be able to say and think whatever we want. We shouldn’t have to change for a man. We should have the freedom to do what we want and if they can’t get on board, then they need to jump ship. I’ve changed since we got married. For the better. Pride isn’t an attribute to be proud of. Nor is selfishness, a short temper or impatience. And if we can find someone who is willing to love us and yet still pack those pruning sheers, we are better for it. Do they really love you if they haven’t brought you closer to the best version of yourself? And should you really love them if you don’t trust them to help you with your splinters? I hate when Joel points out my flaws. Or when he squeezes my leg if I’m gossiping. Or smirks at me when I’m being dramatic. But oddly enough I find myself gossiping less and trying to communicate my feelings better without all the crazy hand gestures.

It always feels better once a splinter is removed. We just have to put our big girl pants on and know the pain is but a moment and try not to bite our husbands heads off in the process. 😉